You Are Tougher Than You Think
Here we are again, another year gone by. As I enter the 37th year of my life, it’s a good time for me to reflect on things that are both active and present in my life as well as things that I consistently hear from others around me. Chances are, you have felt this way too at some point in the past year. If so, you are in good company.
Quite possibly the biggest theme over this past year is that “life is crazy” or “this is hard”. Think about it, how many times have you said that to yourself or heard someone around you say it? Maybe its something trivial, or maybe its something much bigger. It might be current and short lived, or it may be something that has be crazy or hard for a long, long time.
If I have taken anything away from the past 365 days, it’s that life if full of hard decisions, difficult situations, and sometimes, just downright shitty days. But, that’s looking at the negative, or the hard side of it all. There is plenty of good too, but sometimes it doesn’t shine through as well.
The reason we feel like things are hard is because on the flip side, we know what it’s like for things to be great. We have all been on that beach vacation with zero responsibilities, or gone to a fun dinner and laughed until it hurt, or been recognized for an accomplishment that we worked our whole life/career for. And when those moments happen, we understand what the good times are like.
But then tomorrow happens. And its not as fun as yesterday. Or it brings with it a hard decision that could alter the course of the next day, month, year, or longer. That’s what this past year brought me. And I don’t think I’m alone in that.
I was at a point in my career where I needed to make a change that was going to be 100% my choice. No one could make the change for me. But it had to happen. So, as one does, I fought with the inner demons and eventually came out with a firm decision to leave the company I helped build from the ground up to start a new company of my own, and would begin to build it.. from the ground up. Ground Hog day anyone??
You might be thinking “that’s great!”, which it is, but with it comes a lot of difficulties; some I knew about because I had just spent several years doing the same thing, and others came up along the way unexpectedly. Regardless, we have all been in situations on different levels of the spectrum that have made us evaluate how tough we really are. Whether its self inflicted or situational beyond our control.
Now, if you are like me, when faced with a difficult decision or situation, my assumed toughness comes from how experienced I am in certain situations. So as I ventured out into this new business, I faced certain challenges that didn’t scare me. Things like setting up the business entity and initial systems, determining the most immediate needs I had for equipment and supplies, how to build a customer base, how to actually create the product I sell, etc. But there were other challenges that were new to me and continue to pop up almost every day. Things I can’t plan for. The unknown. And THAT is where the fear lives. THAT is where I have to figure out how tough I really am.
If you are anything at all like me, you wake up every day thinking “What kind of crazy will today bring” and you go to bed reflecting on the day trying to piece the crazy together figuring out how you will make it through again tomorrow.
As I think back through it all, I have identified 3 things that are (to me) universal truths about this crazy thing we call life.
1. The crazy doesn’t define us.
It’s not the situations we find ourselves in that define who we are. Life has a funny way of presenting us with situations all the time that exist due to influences outside of ourselves. We should not define who we are by what kind of crazy situation we are in, whether it is a short term daily situation or a long term situation that seems to last forever. We should define ourselves by how we get through those situations and come out on the other side. Our life is not defined by any single thing. Its defined by our purpose and that purpose is not constrained to any single situation.
2. Nothing lasts forever.
In this case, lets focus on the crazy/difficult situations. If you think about it, we go through a hard time, then it ends, then we are left with the memory and feelings of what we went through. The situation is over. We may be a new version of ourselves because of it, but its our choice to continue living in the crazy vs. letting it go and moving beyond it. Its up to us to let those feelings and memories fade with the experience, or allow them to fester inside and eat away at us. In the best case, we use that experience to shape us and mold us into a better version of ourselves. Never settling for staying the same, constantly changing and growing. That’s what we expect when we put our muscles through exercise. The pain of the workout goes away, but the positive change comes from the challenge we endured.
3. You (I) am tougher than you think.
Have you ever had to give yourself a shot, or pull out a splinter and you don’t want to do it because of the anticipation of how much it’s going to hurt? Then, you do it and realize it didn’t kill you and, most likely, didn’t hurt as bad as you thought it would? Well, that’s me. But after its over, I am able to look back and realize that I’m tougher than I thought, and hopefully, next time I can do the “thing” with less anxiety or anticipation. Isn’t the same true for crazy hard situations in life? It usually sucks more just thinking about it than actually doing it. And when its over, we can all confidently say we are tougher than we thought. Enduring toughness is what makes us stronger.
The world is full of amazing people doing amazing things. My hope for my 37th year is to be more aware of the amazing potential in all of us and push myself and others to get through the hard crazy times (because they will always exist), realize we are tougher than we think (because we are), and look back with a sense of accomplishment, not regret.
We are all capable of doing so much with our lives! I hope you join me on this journey and make this year the best one yet.
